.i hate this part.

tonight, i am experiencing a hint of what it must feel like to have your house become an empty nest. of course, i don't yet have kids, so i can't say i really know, but for the last 6 days and nights this house (my parents' house) has been filled with the sounds of my favorite 3 and a half year old little girl.

for 6 sun-ups and 6 sun-downs, we have laughed and played, sang and read books, baked and chit-chatted, me and my niece. and this evening... she left. i sit here in the house - that last night was bustling with 9 of us opening gifts, playing cards, eating "happy birthday baby Jesus" cake - and tonight i grieve the fact that it feels so empty. i mean, i like my brothers, their girlfriends and my cousin an awful lot, but they are not why this house and my heart feel empty. the void is my girl. amazing that 4 christmases ago she didn't exist and now she occupies such a large place in my heart. as she and her 2 best friends (her daddy and her doggy) pulled away tonight, my parents and i waved goodbye through tears. it doesn't get any easier...

so now, i sit here on christmas night - not a creature stirring - and wish so badly that my heart could feel as full as it's felt for the last 6 days. i want her back. it's selfish, i know, because her mommy's missed her i'm sure, but i want her back.

i am grateful for the time i had with her this week as it's more than i normally get when i come back to texas, but i hate this part. i think about this night years and years ago when mary gave birth to Jesus. she did so knowing full well that she'd have to let him go and be with his Father, and i'm certain she had the same type of sentiment... i hate this part. but "this part" doesn't strip me of the joy we've had the last 6 days and those are the memories that i will choose to celebrate through the tears tonight. merry christmas y'all.

.the atypical gripe.

i have a gripe tonight against someone who you could say has become a dear friend over the last 10 or 15 years of my life. don't take this as an insulting-our-friendship-is-over type of gripe. so not the case. it's just a venting-type of gripe because i need to get it out. this complaint is being filed against my well-loved, well-traveled, well-respected friend, southwest airlines.

now, i must say i did arrive only 10 minutes late in total travel time - a marvel for most airlines these days and a marvel for any air travel considering today's weather on the west coast. i made my connection by about 4 minutes and got to texas just in time. for that i'm grateful (because isn't the rule always to compliment before speaking truth?).

my complaint is this:
i made it, but my luggage did not.

this is not the end of the world. what is a bit frustrating is that it was allegedly arriving at 10:10, and when i called at 10:20, that flight is delayed until 11:45pm. i get it, it happens. their solution to this is to deliver my luggage here to my parents' house shortly after it arrives, but they call when they're on their way. did you hear that? they call on their way - at 12:30 in the morning.

so you mean to tell me that first you lose my luggage at 10 am and then you call and wake me up in the middle of the night to let me know you're bringing it? fan-flippin'-tastic. just how i wanted to start my vacation... but southwest, tomorrow, once i have my underwear and toothbrush back (not to mention my entire family's christmas gifts), i will be fine and we will be friends again.

.blame it on grad school.

it's been almost a week since i finished my grad school assignments for this quarter. how i did in the classes is irrelevant at this moment, what matters is that i finished. there were a few things to thank for getting me through the hardest quarter i've had yet. the first is "the office" for providing much needed comic relief on thursday nights, the second is my dear sweet friends who know me well and convinced me that because of my distaste for school, getting my Ph.D. is out of the question and i needed to focus on passing this quarter. the third may be my dearest friend of the semester - starbucks skinny cinnamon dulce lattes.

now, i must confess something. i asked for starbucks cards for my birthday in late october so that i could "survive" the quarter from hell without having to go uncaffeinated because i'm unemployed. i'm ridiculously grateful to my parents, grandparents and others who provided accordingly. the only problem is... i fear i am officially an addict.

how did i realize this, you might ask? well, i got done with school 6 days ago and realized today that of those 6 days, i haven't missed a starbucks run. i used to blame my latte cravings on grad school. i have 4 weeks off - what do i blame it on now? addiction? entirely possible. i'm grateful for my friend who pointed out that there are much worse things i could be dependent on to get me through school - alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, you name it. his vice is slurpees, mine is lattes. neither is all that destructive of a choice. thanks, john, for the confidence boost and the validation. what am i doing tomorrow morning at 10? meeting a college friend at starbucks . what will i order? a skinny cinnamon dulce latte, please. and without asking, they will know my name is bree... because i'm an addict. :)