.a heart spilling out.

Tears are how the heart speaks. I know that when tears come to the surface and I get the lump in my throat that I used to get when I would get dropped off at summer camp for 2 weeks – something’s happening in my heart, it's spilling out in the best way it knows how.

And at that juncture, I have 2 choices – 1) embrace it or 2) fight it.

Depending on where I am and who I’m with is usually how I make that choice, but there are those times when fighting it is not an option, which leaves one with only the option to embrace.

So today… I embrace them.

I embrace them because they today they are for a couple in my home group who is going on ten years of battling her brain tumor and the road is way too long. I embrace them because they today they are for a local pastor and his family who just got the very disheartening news that his 6-year-old daughter’s cancer is back and appears to be attacking organs and inoperable. I embrace them because today they are for injustice happening in Africa to a people who have some of the purest hearts I’ve seen. I embrace them because today they are for one of my dearest friends and her husband who have been in a wilderness of miscarriages and heartache for entirely too long. I embrace them because today they represent questions in my own life that don’t seem to have answers.

I embrace them and I give them back to my Father because while His kingdom is here now, it is also not here yet – in its fullness at least. Man, I can’t wait for that day.

But until then, I will try to embrace them when they come – because they are my heart spilling out and because those tender moments are when my Abba draws nearest to me. So Lord, be near.

.#18 - U2.

now this, my friends is a sad, sad story. probably the saddest of all 30 before 30's.

so there's this guy named bono, he kinda "is" U2. once upon a time he was doing a rehearsal in germany and he slipped a disc in his back - bad enough that he needed surgery almost immediately. this was about a week before the US tour. this meant, our concert (and all others on the US tour) was cancelled. We were told we'd get a new date for the concert. The end.

TRAGIC!!!! i honestly almost cried. this has probably been one of the things i've looked forward to the most on that list - no lie.

so this is the email i received today:
Attention ticket holder!

We just learned that your event has now been rescheduled:

U2
Angel Stadium of Anaheim
Sunday, June 6th, 2010 New date: Friday, June 17th, 2011 at 7:00PM!

Your original tickets are still good – we hope you can make it and enjoy the show!


we hope you can make it to the show - really U2, OVER a year later? i mean, this girl's not givin up her seat for anything, but this now will not happen before i turn 30 and it technically can't be crossed off my list. but i still will mark it as done because it was beyond my control. something i learned while training teams to do overseas missions is this: "blessed are the flexible for they shall not be broken." so flexible i am and broken i'm not.

so erin & casey, june 17th it is. bono, how about no more shannanigans at rehearsal okay?

at least not after next march.

.#17 - monterey.

and in the same weekend... my epic adventure buddy (casey) and i decided we'd watch the world cup finals in none other than...


monterey, california!!!!

we spend a few hours there on the pier at this little hole-in-the-wall restaurant called the "sandbar" that was home of the best omelette this girl's ever eaten. no lie. artichoke, sundried tomato, provolone, ham & avocado. holy smokes.


sad part of the day? my Dutch people lost the world cup to spain (my fake people with whom i spent a semester). now, i never once felt that my loyalties were split because i wasn't about to disown my biological people for my study abroad people, but i'm glad that if someone had to beat my people, at least it was still my people. you with me?

either way, monterey - you're somewhere i'd love to visit again soon. don't be a stranger and i promise the next time i'm there i won't spend hours in a little restaurant bar watching a soccer game. you're entirely too beautiful for that.


and casey - you're a rockstar. thanks for being my epic traveling buddy this weekend - for soaking in the sights & sounds of the bay area & monterey, for being a phenomenal wedding date and road trip buddy. you've been missed. glad we got a chance to play :)

and 101 freeway - thank you for your beautiful scenery that got us all the way home to santa barbara.



yes, you heard me. i said "home" to santa barbara. i gladly claim this place as home these days. i'm settling in and happy bout it :)

.#16 - visit a friend who lives somewhere i've never been.

i'll be honest. i thought this one would be easier. incase you haven't met me, i travel... alot. so i figured hangin' with a friend in a new location wouldn't be all that difficult. i'm honestly shocked it just happened and it's already july.

needless to say, i had a great weekend visiting the now

mr. and mrs. alan & margie gutierrez!!!!



casey (with whom i always have epic adventures) and i drove from orange county up to palo alto and had yet one more epic adventure at a fun wedding in a gorgeous spot, tucked in the redwood trees of northern california.


so margie-formerly-carter-now gutierrez, thanks for being the friend i visited somewhere i've never been. and thanks for introducing me to your beloved bay area. you were an exquisite bride :) and we were very sad when the night was over.

thanks for getting married so i could knock of #16 :)