.cravings.

cravings come in all shapes and sizes. they are also very relative to your circumstances as well as your mental and physical state of being. like sometimes i crave sugar, sometimes starch, sometimes a nap, other times to sit on the couch & do nothing, sometimes water, other times attention... you get the point.

well, i'm in the middle of a lovely thing called the "Daniel Fast" and if i was really savvy, i'd put the link on here, but look it up - it's legit. it's not a "fast" in the way people tend to think of fasting (no food, just water, etc.), but instead it's a fast from things that our body doesn't deem necessary, but yet we consume them because we as Americans are just that - consumers. now i'm 2 weeks into a 3 week fast and am eating only fruit, vegetables & whole grains and man am i ever learning things.

the biggest things i've learned are 1) you get headaches when you deny yourself sugar 2) you are cranky when you detox from sugar & starch, 3) you are WAY more in touch with yourself and your body when you are not always grabbing food to go, or shoving energy down your throat. 4) your body is a whole being that we often times tend to compartmentalize.

allow me to explain that last sentence. in the last 2 weeks, i have learned more about myself than i ever wanted to know. when you are only eating fruits, vegetables & whole grains (and that is not your normal diet), you go bananas and you eat lot of bananas. but it has made me so much more self-aware because i'm conscious of what i'm putting in my body, but my body is physically reacting to the withdrawals of certain foods and i'm having to constantly pay attention to what my body is telling me. for instance, when i do an hour long spin class with no sugar or white flour or meat in my body, i feel like i'm going to pass out about 25 minutes in, so i've learned to compensate for that by eating more for breakfast on those days. or everyday around 3pm, when i usually pump a little sugar into the bloodstream to keep me alive & kickin, i get a headache & get super cranky, so i'm learning how to curb that with sweet fruit for a snack, or with a desperate prayer. my spiritual, psychological and physical being have never been more interconnected than they have the last 2 weeks and i think there is great value in learning how to live as a more whole human being.

i'm grateful for this "fast" because it's teaching me that it's really not about me. it's teaching me that we are a selfish people who do what we want and eat what we want when we want it, and this is teaching me to deprive myself of things that i may be more self-aware and more aware of and dependent on Christ to meet my needs throughout the day. i'm also grateful because it is instilling healthier eating habits into my life that i hope to infuse more regularly following this time period...

...but today, for the first time in 2 weeks, i craved a glass of red wine in a way that i haven't craved anything in a long, long time. and today, i had to deny myself that craving and live with the tension until the craving subsided and that was worth way more than the guilt of satisfying the craving would have been. today's craving built character - self control, dependence, sacrifice and discipline. i'm grateful for cravings and i'm grateful for a God who sustains.