.paradox.

today i popped into the office of pastor friend who happened to be sitting at his desk and had time to chat. we just caught up on life, on ministry, on family stuff (or lack thereof since i have no spouse and children). he talked of his daughter's upcoming adventure to Barcelona to study for a few months and how excited he was. i was reminded of our upcoming trip to Barcelona and told him i'd love to connect with his daughter (who went on a mission trip with us last summer). we then got to talking about vacations and great places to visit.

as i sat in his office in one of the wealthiest communities in the california - perfect sunny 75 degree weather with the breeze blowing through the window and fresh flowers on the desk, i thought of what a paradox our situation was. two people in full-time ministry talking about 5star vacations when really the topic should have stayed on missions. (never mind the amazing conversation that followed about the 19-29 generation who doesn't know what to do so they do nothing - glad i missed that boat by 1/2 a year, whew).

but in all seriousness, there was a paradox happening in my head of thinking - "what a nice conversation about the opportunities we've been able to have traveling overseas." and then i thought, "if i could get on a plan to go anywhere right now, where would i go?" the answer? undoubtedly and whole-heartedly - haiti. you see, our great God has changed me.

he's changed me from someone who used to love the adventure of overseas travel, love the thrill of saving my money to go on a sweet vacation and do whatever I WANT to do with whoever I WANT to go with for however long I WANT to go. who's in?

to...

someone whois devastated because my brother and sister-in-law are in haiti right now and i want to be there. someone who cannot WAIT to get my plane ticket booked for september because i am beyond excited to go back. someone who is being broken for the things that break GOD'S HEART and being called into things that advance GOD'S KINGDOM instead of mine. who's in?

truly, i'm more excited about haiti than i am about barcelona and they happen to fall in the same month. i love how God is changing me. i love the tension of the paradox in the pastor's office today.

Lord, that i may live more focused on your kingdom instead of my own, that my passion for doing things for you might increase more and more and my passion for doing things for me might decrease, that i might continue to find pleasure in the blessings, but be absolutely inspired and motivated by the difficult task of loving others for your name's sake - that you might find me worthy to live in the tension of the paradox

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