.highlights from the motherland.

heineken - welcome to holland!

if 3 days in spain came with highlights, 7 days in holland trumped it, hands down. drumroll please...

American pizza, at the farm of a speed skater with 50 of my crazy Dutch relatives


real windmills and amazing windmill cakes

some successful sloot jumping...


and some not so successful

ridiculously awesome candid photos of me and my sis-in-law


flowers, flowers and more flowers!!!

my smokin' hot boyfriend (i'm related to 3 of them, so there's only one who's smokin' hot) i mean, what's not attractive about a man in borrowed european too-short trunks with cow $h?z running down his legs?!??! but seriously, my guy? he's got a bod and for that and many other things, i'm thankful.

3 words - stroopwaffel ice cream

and the best for last... cutest. nephew. ever.

I <3 Holland. I'm ready to go back. Who's coming?

.paradox.

today i popped into the office of pastor friend who happened to be sitting at his desk and had time to chat. we just caught up on life, on ministry, on family stuff (or lack thereof since i have no spouse and children). he talked of his daughter's upcoming adventure to Barcelona to study for a few months and how excited he was. i was reminded of our upcoming trip to Barcelona and told him i'd love to connect with his daughter (who went on a mission trip with us last summer). we then got to talking about vacations and great places to visit.

as i sat in his office in one of the wealthiest communities in the california - perfect sunny 75 degree weather with the breeze blowing through the window and fresh flowers on the desk, i thought of what a paradox our situation was. two people in full-time ministry talking about 5star vacations when really the topic should have stayed on missions. (never mind the amazing conversation that followed about the 19-29 generation who doesn't know what to do so they do nothing - glad i missed that boat by 1/2 a year, whew).

but in all seriousness, there was a paradox happening in my head of thinking - "what a nice conversation about the opportunities we've been able to have traveling overseas." and then i thought, "if i could get on a plan to go anywhere right now, where would i go?" the answer? undoubtedly and whole-heartedly - haiti. you see, our great God has changed me.

he's changed me from someone who used to love the adventure of overseas travel, love the thrill of saving my money to go on a sweet vacation and do whatever I WANT to do with whoever I WANT to go with for however long I WANT to go. who's in?

to...

someone whois devastated because my brother and sister-in-law are in haiti right now and i want to be there. someone who cannot WAIT to get my plane ticket booked for september because i am beyond excited to go back. someone who is being broken for the things that break GOD'S HEART and being called into things that advance GOD'S KINGDOM instead of mine. who's in?

truly, i'm more excited about haiti than i am about barcelona and they happen to fall in the same month. i love how God is changing me. i love the tension of the paradox in the pastor's office today.

Lord, that i may live more focused on your kingdom instead of my own, that my passion for doing things for you might increase more and more and my passion for doing things for me might decrease, that i might continue to find pleasure in the blessings, but be absolutely inspired and motivated by the difficult task of loving others for your name's sake - that you might find me worthy to live in the tension of the paradox

.

.perfect love casts out fear.

... the Bible tells me so. i have never been one of those people who lives in fear - it's just a miserable place to live. but yesterday, on my birthday, of all days, i spent much of my day in fear. fear of what? who even knows! fear of whatever i could conjure up in my mind to be afraid about. maybe it was more anxiety than fear. there just seem to be natural disasters everywhere and i put myself in their path - i jump from scorching fires to deadly tropical storms in a matter of days.

it was a ridiculous turn of events yesterday and the birthday celebration tended to be postponed because of my fear. but, nonetheless, i got on an airplane at 10:30pm and flew the redeye into a tropical storm - welcome to the caribbean during hurricane season. as soon as i boarded my flight, took a tylenol pm and started milling over my day, i realized that i am the one who led myself to being anxious, i was the one who chose to be afraid instead of trusting the One who knows all.

as i sat on that airplane, i realized that i will be just stinkin' fine and if i won't be fine, then i'll be with Jesus and what could be better than that. His perfect love casts out all fear - now i just wish it would cast out the tropical storm! nonetheless, puerto rico, here we come! my heart and fear are taking a vacation.