.hope amidst loss.

seven of us rode in the car... seven adults who've been friends for the better part of 5 years and not a word was spoken. eery silence. what words are appropriate when the lump in your throat and the gut wrenching feeling won't leave? how do you find "proper words" in the 10 minute drive from the restaurant to the memorial service of one of your friends that died too young? there are no right words for that. there are no right words to say to katie's parents, to her husband, to her sisters. there are not even right words to say to your own friends. so our car remained silent as we each processed our own grief and did our best to walk into the day prepared.

one of the most stunningly beautiful girls i've ever met also happened to be one of the purest hearted, tender spirited girls i've ever met. she had it all goin' on. her love for Jesus oozed out of her being even in the midst of severe pain and incredibly limited lung capacity. katie parsons may was someone whose life touched all those she came in contact with.

yesterday was horrific and beautiful all rolled into one. a 32 year old husband should not be speaking at his wife's funeral. loving parents should not have to say goodbye to their 27 year old daughter. "You give and take away, You give and take away - still my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name," were the words we sang at her service. words that communicate to our God that no matter what season of life, whatever changes may come, we still trust Him, we love him and we believe that death is not the end.

you see, that was the absolutely beautiful thing about this whole week and particularly about yesterday... because He lives, there is hope amidst loss. katie's ashes were scattered yesterday (well half of them - the other half are to be taken to the Ukraine, her other love). as her family & her husband scattered her ashes in the pacific ocean, each of tossed a flower into the water. we lost much when we lost katie, but there was beauty yesterday, beauty from ashes.

the other thing that allowed us to experience hope amidst loss was authentic community.
- i watched katie's dad jump in after the ashes and swim out deeper... alone. and then i watched two of his closest friends jump in after him, throw their arms around him and pray, right there, amidst her ashes, in the middle of the pacific ocean and it was beautiful. it was hope.

- i watched our motley crew of seven laugh together, cry together, pray together, grieve together and just be together and come around our friend, john for 36 hours. this breathed hope into each of us and while we didn't know what to say, it was enough to just be.

i am grateful for real community. i am grateful for hope.

and as our sweet friend john sang at his gorgeous bride's service: "i will praise you, I will praise you - though the tears fall, still i will sing to you. I will praise you, Jesus, praise you - through the suffering still i will sing."

katie may - thank you for living a full life, for caring more about others than you did about yourself, for being someone who oozed Jesus and for teaching us how to continue to hope in the midst of pain. we will miss you.

.opa's journey begins.

We are sitting here eating spaghetti and baked goods (comfort food for sure). Today was a day where we felt God's presence completely. He had a night with a bit of restlessness & was sick of the tubes and sick of the nurses coming in. He just kept saying, "I wanna go home."

That hospital room was sacred ground today. At times in the day, Papa gets restless and anxious and we've figured out the only and best way to calm him down is to pray, sing hymns or read scripture to him. We can't imagine doing this without the HOPE we have in Christ. Truly. We cling to His promises in these moments. It was such blessed, sacred moments with his kids, grandkids, great grandkids and sister-in-law around him today, praying for him, singing with him, reading scripture over him. God is gracious and we know his faithful servant is highly favored as we sense peace the minute we cry out to Jesus. Amen for that.

At one point in the day, nothing else was working so one of the grandkids said, "Papa, do you want to sing with the little kids?" And he nodded. We brought Anna Mae, Johnny and Cameron in the room to sing with him and his eyes lit up and he sang every word to "Jesus Loves Me" and "You are My Sunshine." The kids and Opa were happily singing and the adults stood watching, teary eyed at the faithfulness of our Lord through generations. Unbelievable. And then he said, "Can those sweet kids come home with me when I come home?" To which we responded, "Of course."

Our best news is that Papa's word for himself "discharge" is coming true!!! We had a family meeting with our beloved doctor and friend, Holly Stewart this evening and we all came to the conclusion that the best thing for Papa is to come home. That's all he's been asking for for days and he just wants coffee and Anna Mae. So we say "let it be so."

Holly encouraged us today to let his wish be our command and to just spend this time loving the heck outta that sweet man and walking him home to Jesus. So we do so. With tears in our eyes and thanks in our hearts, we will bring him home to begin his final journey to Jesus tomorrow.

Ways you can pray?
- Pray for Oma/Anna Mae - this process is different for all of us and she is such an amazing source of strength, but this journey is hardest on her.
- GIVE THANKS for amazing neighbors who turn down beds, bring food, get groceries, do dishes & provide support. We are grateful.
- Pray for the kids/grandkids as they each process in their own way. It's been amazing to hear stories of his inspiration & faithfulness. It's a sweet time.
- Pray for a smooth transition tomorrow as he comes home - that he would be in minimal pain and loads of peace in being home.

We have spaghetti and we have each other. We just sat across the table and Oma said, "This is not how we would have planned it, but isn't this time a gift?" Amen and amen. We are blessed with the gift of each other and like Donna said the other day, "It's just so good to be together - to laugh, to cry, to remember, to pray." I know one thing for sure - God could not have given this man a more supportive family and there's nowhere else I'd rather be. We are beyond blessed and he will be discharged. :)

To follow updates from our family, go to: www.degraaflegacy.blogspot.com