Seven: Media Day 28 - We Did It!

Someone asked me recently, “What is God teaching you right now?” My almost-immediate response surprised me as I usually think through answers to those types of questions – maybe wanting to sound pious or mature. My answer exited my mouth before I even had time to think about it: “God has been working on teaching me what is important – loving Him and loving people and not worrying so much about my to-do list.”

I tell you this because I think that media month had EVERYTHING to do with this. Headed into media month, I was coming off some of the worst weeks of my life with intense stroke-like atypical migraines… every 4 days. During the “down days” we’ll call them, I had much time to spend with God. He showed up and reminded me of words that I needed to turn into action – like “be” and “abide,” like “grace” and “rest.” As much as my type A personality pushes against that, it was exactly the season I needed. Enter the inspiration to FINALLY read and do “Seven.” I knew this was what my life needed in this season.

During my “down days” I spent much time on Facebook and allowing movie stars to entertain me while I laid on the couch recovering, most faithful golden retriever by my side. When Jarred and I had to choose which month of “Seven” to begin with, media month was a no brainer for the girl who was so over screen time.

So it began… 28 days ago. It’s been a journey – one of peace, quiet, reconnecting, being, abiding, relating and praying. In so many ways, it’s changed us. We may be more present, more likely to pick up the phone, more apt to want to hang out, more excited about going for walks and more in touch. A $12 book can’t buy you that, but a sacrificial experience in your faith journey can do that. We are so grateful – so much so that we want the remnants media month to be ingrained into the fabric of our home.

We have decided that our family will celebrate Sabbath once a week – probably on Mondays – our Sabbath will be media-free. So no media Mondays will be happening in our house. We will laugh, we will talk, we will cry if we need to, we will be together. One night a week will also be media-free. We don’t like the habit of coming home from work just to open computers and not be present. While we learned that sometimes we need to decompress by reading blogs, news, etc., it does not need to happen every night. So one night a week will be set aside for quiet, for connecting, for family. We want this to be a pattern in our house so that when kids come they know that’s just what “we do” and we want them to value it as well.

Jen says this: “Perhaps this is why Scripture calls us to the practice of fasting – from food, from greed, from selfishness, from luxuries. It isn’t just the experience; it’s the discipline. It changes us. Fasting helps us develop mastery over the competing voices in our heads that urge us toward more, toward indulgence, toward emotional volatility.” - pg. 219

Media month did just that for us –it taught us discipline and it has changed us. We recognized that being unplugged warred against the competing voices in our heads saying, “Go read this blog. You HAVE to see what so and so posted on Instagram today. You have 17 Facebook notifications and 30 emails – they must be attended to immediately, especially the ones about Farmville and Male Enhancement ;).” But seriously, it’s so good for your soul, your marriage, your friendships and your busy mind to shut down and just “be.” God asks that of us a few times and the more you practice it, the easier it gets. Discipline changes us.

We love “Seven” – we want more. We are coming to believe that sacrificial living for the purpose of teaching ourselves what we don’t need and learning to depend on Jesus is important. Not only that; it’s scriptural and it’s transforming. We are stoked for month two, which will be… FOOD MONTH! More details to come with a start date of October 9. Thanks for joining us on the journey.

Seven: Media Fast Day 26

Holy smokes, the closer we get to the end, the more I'd like to just cheat and say I did it. It's just two days early, right? I've learned through this experience that my husband is a rule follower of all rule followers. Therefore, cheating is not worth it if I feel the need to confess, which I usually do.

So here's my confession for today... I looked on Facebook, but only for like 5 seconds after looking up what I needed to (one of my friends from Haiti is in the hospital and the best updates on how she's doing are on Facebook - merited...). But after I saw how she's doing, I just browsed like the top 5 posts on my news feed today. Like I said, I'm over it. And I don't really feel guilty - I only will when I have to confess tonight.

Something great I'm learning through this - there's no way in heck I could do this without community. Jen said it in the book and I thought I could do it alone, no problem, but people - a month is a LONG time. For real. And having Jarred do this with me has been a game changer because it reminds me that People magazines are media and YouTube links in a text message are media and it's worth it to power through the last two days. So very worth it. I've needed him. Without him I would totally have cheated more than once or twice by now. He's been my person and it's made us more of a team; for that I'm incredibly thankful. Truly.

A sad thing that's happened during media month? I COMPLETELY forgot to call not one, but BOTH of my grandmas on their birthdays. I blame Facebook, but seriously I do. Facebook reminds me of those things and my iPhone update didn't transfer all of my birthdays and then my grandma's felt unloved and forgotten. Yuck. So ready for those reminders to be back in my world. And it's ended up costing a pretty penny to send something nice with an "I'm sorry" card to make up for my brain fart(s). This part made me really sad and even maybe made me say, "It's not worth it." But I can't blame media month - only myself.

One of the greatest things we've learned is what Jen's husband Brandon says in the book about their experience:

"The dangerous part of our social media and technologically saturated world is not it's existence, but what it distracts us from." pg. 116

We are loving learning things we've never known about each other - going for walks, talking more, watching each other's personalities, spending time with our pup - all because the distractions have been removed.

This is decidedly good for us - more distraction free lives and more time with people we love. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Stay tuned for the grand finale post for media month. I'll talk about our plan to implement this beyond one month as well as what challenge we've chosen for October. This whole Seven thing is really hard. And good. And hard. But we love it.

Lonely...FMF

As I woke her up at 1:00 am to tell her that my Opa had just breathed is last in the living room, I saw the anguish on her face. The anguish of knowing what her life now was - lonely.

I helped her out of bed, put her robe on her and we walked into the living room where the hospice nurses, my sister-in-law, my aunt and uncle were standing around him, secretly hoping he'd start breathing again. My Oma calmly walked over to his bed side and sat next to him the chair, holding his hand as other family members that were staying down the street walked in the door. Soon after, she crawled onto the bed with him and started weeping softly. We all knew without a doubt that this was the most horrific day of her life. As we all wept, I sat in the corner and wept for her because I knew that the next week, all of us would go home with spouses, siblings, parents, significant others and she would be left in that house alone - with just 58 years of memories.

But in some strange way, I knew I could feel it deeper than anyone else in the room - I had just gotten out of a relationship that did not end well. I was 30 and so ready to be married, because I too (on a much smaller scale) had my fair share of lonely years. Of the 32 family members there, I was the only one with no one to go home to that night, my single cousins had yet to get to town. So after we finished having a family toast with buttermilk (gross, I know, but it was Opa's favorite), singing worship songs, reading scripture, recounting memories and praying for this beautiful widowed woman, I decided to stay with Oma. We laid there and held hands and wept. Neither of us slept much.

For the next 5 nights, I stayed with Oma - we found a way to peace and at least a bit of companionship, even if we still felt alone. Because of those hard weeks: my night in the hospital with Opa where I prayed with him, sang with him and listened to him cry out for Jesus to take him home while I sobbed on my little hospital couch and my hard nights with Oma, my eyes have been opened to what lonely really means. My compassion for the suffering, the broken and the lonely has been a gift.

Love someone who's lonely this week - bless them with the gift of your presence and a listening ear.

Broken... FMF

We watch the commercials on the tv - you know, the ones with the kids who are malnourished and literally starving to death. Those commercials are designed to break our hearts for those in need - to get off our entitled, over-fed American booties and at the very least right a check. But to me what that communicates is, "See these kids? They're broken. They need help. Since you've got it together, why don't you fix their problem with just a little bit of money?"

But you know what? I've met those kids. I've seen their faces and heard their laughter. I've also seen their tears and watched them be in the middle of a field all alone, with literally no one who cares if they live or die. It's there, in our world and it's very very broken.

But you know what else? So am I. I am broken. My poverty may not look like theirs - I may not need clothes, food or a job, but I am also in need. My brokenness is just all covered up in a pretty layer of American pride, self-reliance and entitlement. As much as I try to not be these things and think this way, it's true... and it's ugly.

Today I'm reminded that being broken is beautiful. It's beautiful because it's something that unites all humans - our imperfection makes us one. Our need for each other makes us one. Our ability be with someone else in their brokenness and let someone enter into ours is what makes ashes turn to beauty. Embracing brokenness today...

Present - FMF

The greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of being present.

Life is hard, we need each other. Gifts, flowers, cards - those things are not needs, they are extras. What we need is someone's presence. When I am truly present with someone, there's nowhere else in the world I would rather be than with that person.

Here's a secret... I never, ever regret being present with someone. Ever.

I can't help today but think of one of girls in my first Bible study; this week she got diagnosed with inoperable cancer. The doctors are doing everything they can, but they're quickly realizing it's too late to save her life. She has weeks to months left in her short 27-year-old life. ALL THAT MATTERS to her, in these last weeks and months is the presence of those she loves... and the presence of God. That's it. There is nothing that matters more.

During hard seasons of my own life, you know what I remember now? I remember who was there, who sat and cried with me, prayed with me, asked me questions, tried to cheer me up. I remember Cecilia walking in my room with a glass of wine for each of us, plopping herself on my bed and asking how I was today. I remember Lizzy faithfully texting me every single day asking how I was and how she could pray. I remember Alisha helping me do the simple things - like get groceries and tie my shoes and get dressed when my body was in too much pain to do those things. I remember Emily showing up at my house uninvited, with food, knowing that if she didn't, I probably wouldn't have eaten that night. I remember my husband walking in, long before I expected him because he knew his presence mattered.

The "things" we buy for those we love are great, but they will be soon forgotten. The hours you give, the tears you cry, the hugging, the showing up - that's what sticks. That's what's worth it. So this weekend, I challenge you to think of someone who needs your presence and grab a latte or a glass of wine and go be present.

The Gem

It's been too long... I know... let's not talk about it. Instead we'll talk about a book that I can't shake.

I just finished reading a gem - a literal gem. "Bread and Wine" is a gem because:
1) it's by Shauna Niequist which automatically equals gem status
2) it's got real-life, honest raw stories in it
3) the side dish to those stories are BOMB recipes
4) it has to do with Jesus, building community, food and wine

So really, what's not to like?!?!

Here's the thing I can't shake about this book: Shauna is my people - she writes from such an honest perspective that it just tugs at the little places in my heart that people usually can't get to - you know - the depth you feel when the community around you is real, vulnerable and beautiful, the body image, bathing suit season stuff, the Jesus is in our breaking bread and being around the table stuff, the trying to find balance in life stuff. These are topics that tug at my heart strings and stuff that makes my soul come alive (okay maybe not the bathing suit season part, but the rest of it).

Pinky promise that I'm not related to or friends with Shauna and getting paid to rave about her. I truly just think she's that great and if I could write a book, it would be similar to all three of hers - or maybe an intricately weaved combination of the three. I just feel like she speaks to my soul, she understands women, community, the important things in life and she's honest about the hard stuff.

Here's something she blogged recently that I seriously could not get over because it's exactly what I needed to hear and something that is the perfect picture of why I love her writing.

Below is the recipe for Flourless Brownies - holy smokes these are STUPID GOOD. Let's just say I made them three times in a 24 hour period. They are gluten free, delightful, so not healthy, but so delicious with fresh raspberries - nothing better and I am not even a chocolate lover. Sweet Jesus, just make them. And then go buy the book because there's way more goodness where that came from. You'll thank me later - probably just for the book suggestion and not for what will happen to your jeans after you read it. :)

INGREDIENTS:
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon almond extract (the secret weapon)
3 eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cups almod meal (or finely ground almonds)
1 cup walnuts (optional, I make them without because of my potential to end up in the hospital)

INSTRUCTIONS:
- Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.
- Melt the chocolate and butter over low heat in a saucepan, stirring until glossy and smooth
- Take the pan off heat, mix in the vanilla, sugar and almond extract, and let it cool for just a few minutes
- Stir the eggs into the saucepan, then add the ground almonds and optional nuts and stir again. The batter will be a little grainy at this point because of the almonds, but don't worry a bit.
- Pour batter into an 8x8 pan and bake for 25-30 minutes, until the top has set but the brownies are still a little wiggly. Let cool completely and then cut.

You're welcome!

.learning to accept gifts.

i am getting married in 9 days. holy moly. i'm really getting married in 9 days. here are a few things i've learned in this season and i don't want to forget i've learned them so i'm writing them down: - i've learned that i'm lame at accepting gifts - i've learned that no matter how many times i say "thank you" it rarely seems sufficient for all that my family & friends have done for jarred & i in the last few months

- i've learned that i had NO IDEA how much work planning a wedding would be

- i've learned to say LOTS of "i don't care's" - it's just how this bride is coping these days - i've learned about true friendship, true family ties and that those people bring so much life and light into stressful situations

- i've learned that loving someone is so much more than saying "i do", that forgiving quickly is not an easy thing and that marriage will indeed be the hardest, best thing i've ever done

- i've learned that beginning a marriage is a community project and i can't do it without the people God has oh-so-graciously placed around me

but i think of all those things, the hardest one for me is accepting gifts. i still haven't totally learned that. i felt awkward at bridal showers, i feel weird when things show up to our house and we didn't pay for them. i feel really really badly that i won't see a bill for our wedding, nor our couches, nor our honeymoon because we have ridiculously generous parents who love us more than words on paper could convey. i feel bad about these things because i have an over-active sense of responsibility and in these last 4 months, i've not been allowed to take care of myself or anyone else - i've been doted on, pampered, showered with prayers, gifts and love and spoiled rotten. and i'm still working on accepting it. i have not doubt that my wedding day will be the best day of my life to date and no doubt that it will all be 100% worth it, but sometimes it's hard to let others give and give and give.

i think what my Creator is trying to teach me is that all these things - just a TINY glimpse of his grace, his gifts, his forgiveness, his mercy. all these huge things that others are unselfishly doing for us - just little bitty glimpses of how he loves. and i'm learning to accept the awesomeness that Jesus gives by being forced to accept the awesomeness of his people unselfishly giving in my life. and all i can say is, "i'm overwhelmingly grateful."

.hope amidst loss.

seven of us rode in the car... seven adults who've been friends for the better part of 5 years and not a word was spoken. eery silence. what words are appropriate when the lump in your throat and the gut wrenching feeling won't leave? how do you find "proper words" in the 10 minute drive from the restaurant to the memorial service of one of your friends that died too young? there are no right words for that. there are no right words to say to katie's parents, to her husband, to her sisters. there are not even right words to say to your own friends. so our car remained silent as we each processed our own grief and did our best to walk into the day prepared.

one of the most stunningly beautiful girls i've ever met also happened to be one of the purest hearted, tender spirited girls i've ever met. she had it all goin' on. her love for Jesus oozed out of her being even in the midst of severe pain and incredibly limited lung capacity. katie parsons may was someone whose life touched all those she came in contact with.

yesterday was horrific and beautiful all rolled into one. a 32 year old husband should not be speaking at his wife's funeral. loving parents should not have to say goodbye to their 27 year old daughter. "You give and take away, You give and take away - still my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name," were the words we sang at her service. words that communicate to our God that no matter what season of life, whatever changes may come, we still trust Him, we love him and we believe that death is not the end.

you see, that was the absolutely beautiful thing about this whole week and particularly about yesterday... because He lives, there is hope amidst loss. katie's ashes were scattered yesterday (well half of them - the other half are to be taken to the Ukraine, her other love). as her family & her husband scattered her ashes in the pacific ocean, each of tossed a flower into the water. we lost much when we lost katie, but there was beauty yesterday, beauty from ashes.

the other thing that allowed us to experience hope amidst loss was authentic community.
- i watched katie's dad jump in after the ashes and swim out deeper... alone. and then i watched two of his closest friends jump in after him, throw their arms around him and pray, right there, amidst her ashes, in the middle of the pacific ocean and it was beautiful. it was hope.

- i watched our motley crew of seven laugh together, cry together, pray together, grieve together and just be together and come around our friend, john for 36 hours. this breathed hope into each of us and while we didn't know what to say, it was enough to just be.

i am grateful for real community. i am grateful for hope.

and as our sweet friend john sang at his gorgeous bride's service: "i will praise you, I will praise you - though the tears fall, still i will sing to you. I will praise you, Jesus, praise you - through the suffering still i will sing."

katie may - thank you for living a full life, for caring more about others than you did about yourself, for being someone who oozed Jesus and for teaching us how to continue to hope in the midst of pain. we will miss you.

.lingering.

i want to linger more.

today, i went to my college best friend's parents' house for lunch. she lives in boston with her husband and is an only child, so by default, 10 years ago, i became daughter #2. since i live nearby, i often benefit from having meals with them and being the surrogate, which seems to work well for all 3 of us.

after having known them for 10 years, i realized something today that i've never realized, they linger. and i love it. we sat down to lunch about 1 and we got up from the table around 3. my family doesn't linger, everyone always seems to be preoccupied with something "more important" right when the food is gone. but not them - they eat their meals slowly and in courses and they linger. i want that for my life. when it's appropriate and there is time, i long to be more intentional about lingering.

why?

because it fosters community. it makes room for conversation that goes beyond "table talk." it forces you to eat slower. in my mind it's what "breaking bread" together is supposed to be like. in Jesus' day, the tables were on the ground with recliner-ish pillows for chairs because people lingered. Jesus lingered, so in order to be more like Jesus, i resolve to linger... because it's in the lingering that we learn and we listen.