This House...

Our house is cluttered with boxes and toys and loads of messes today. We are leaving California and as I move from room to room, my heart is breaking. I've been on the West Coast for 13 years and while I feel like living in this state has really defined so much of who I am, I feel like this house has made Jarred and I who we are in so many ways. It has seen us through a lot. We moved in month nine of marriage.

We've learned each other in this place. We were still in the honeymoon phase when we moved in and let me tell you, this house has seen it all :) I distinctively remember the day we signed the escrow papers and the moment we walked into our first owned home. I remember the late nights debating over paint colors and which room would eventually be our nursery… someday. I remember dreaming about the little "fixes" we wanted to do to our little place and how much better it would be when we sold it. None of that happened, of course. We have laughed and cried and prayed and argued here. We have grown and taken steps backwards and we have solidified who "we want to be" in this house.

We spent many nights on the couch with a glass of wine watching "New Girl" and laughing until our stomachs hurt.

Monday and Tuesday mornings we cook breakfast together and linger around the table while we eat. Our kitchen has been one of our favorite places to spend time together - cooking and talking and laughing.


I will never forget the 5am excited walk from our bathroom to wake him up and tell him "You're going to be a DAD!" I just couldn't wait until he woke up to tell him :) No way!



Every Thursday night this house had a crock pot full of delicious food cooking and 10 college gals filling up our living room talking about Jesus and real life and becoming a little family. I remember those 10 gals FREAKING OUT when we told them we were having a baby. One of my favorite moments in this house…

About six months into my pregnancy, I'll never forget the Thursday night I sat on the bottom of the stairs and wept listening to my dad tell me over the phone that my mom might have cancer. One of my college gals happened to get there early that night and she sat on the bottom of the stairs with me and just let me cry.


I remember the exact corner of the couch where I was sitting when my dad called the next day and told me my mom had pancreatic cancer and I needed to come home. By God's grace, my sweet friend Cheryl was right there with me. I remember feeling numb and then feeling Holland move inside my belly and thinking that I had to be strong and get through this because she was counting on me. I had no choice but to do all I could to protect that little life while we dealt with all of this from miles away.

I remember sitting on the bedroom floor with packing our suitcases and I just sobbed and sobbed knowing full-well that my mom may not make it through this battle. And will never forget Joel walking into our bedroom and just sitting on the floor with me. People's presence means everything in the hardest moments.


On May 26th, 2014 our little girl came into the world and my mom was there - the strongest woman I know looked past her own pain during chemo treatment and came to us for a week when our girl was born. I don't know what I would have done without her. I'll never forget when she and Jarred and I walked in from the hospital with our tiny tiny girl.

My mind is laced with memories of sleepless nights in our bedroom with our newborn daughter and my in-laws tirelessly helping us around the clock for weeks because of my complications from my C-section. This little house became their second home.

Over our 3 years in this neighborhood, some of our friends have moved in and become our neighbors and some of our neighbors have become our friends. We've spent many warm evenings watching all the kiddos fight over toys play outside and have swapped dinners at each others houses.

This house is where our little gal learned to say her first words, where her daddy made her giggle for the first time, where I first heard those tiny feet running down the hallway between our bedrooms, where she first "shared" all of her meals with Maggie the dog, where we spent countless hours watching netflix when sleep didn't come easily, where she learned her first words and came around the corner each morning saying "Ma-Ma" when she saw Maggie sitting downstairs.

I won't soon forget the 3am laughter and fun that ensues on monthly poker night. We've had to move to a location where it won't wake kids up, but i'm so grateful that Jarred has had the chance to be in a community of guys who truly loves to spend time together.

It's a place where we've had the gift of hosting many overnight guests… for one night or for six months. We have loved the people who have lived and stayed with us in our little home and the coffee and wine conversations that come with it.

Walking away is hard; it always is. While there are definite things to look forward to, we know that goodbyes carry a weight that feels heavy. We grew up here and became us here. My heart is grateful.

.our life.

today we start our life... our life in slo.

a month ago, we moved my man into his house so that he could start his job - i'll give you the gift of the laughter that was involved in his moving-in process... yes, the tupperware won that fight on the kitchen floor :)

jarred's been really really content here these past four weeks.

at noon today, we left this place i've loved so so much. i've lived in some great houses, but this place was one of my favorites - the laughter, the bbq's and fire pitting, the game playing, the wine/appetizer girl chat, the weekend guests, the deep conversations and the couch snuggles made this place earn its way into the top 3. i had some of my best times and some of my darkest times while i lived inside these four walls. it's amazing that just that - four walls can have so much significance.

tonight i lay here in my (gratis) temporary housing for the month, thanks to one of the most generous ladies i know, and i think about what this means for me, for us.

we begin our life here today. slo is now our home and as much as i grieve the life & community i had in santa barbara - slo means that we get to be together. it means that we got to get groceries today and hang out with 50 incredible Jesus-lovin' young life leaders tonight. it means that i'll wake up in my house and he'll wake up in his house and we'll get to drive a mini-distance and have breakfast together. it means establishing the new normal and for that, i'm grateful. grateful for our life... stay tuned.

.embracing newness.

this is now where i call home, not too shabby huh?
i am living in newness right now... and i really have mixed feelings about it. but first... a blog tour.

i love yellow and i really love that our house is yellow. we have a cute patio, but it's not ready for your viewing pleasure quite yet.

this place is so peaceful. i like hangin' out in here. it's not quite finished yet, but when it is, i'll re-blog tour it.

this is our little dining area. it's quaint, it's cozy and i have to say my parents have great taste in picking out wine racks and tables. i've come to love happy hour at this little nook.

this is what sold us on this house. hands down. it's just been redone and it's awesome... loaded... gorgeous. this is one of my favorite places to be - now to find friends/college students to cook for :)

i had to go public with my new bedding because good gracious it wasn't cheap. the reason i had to get new bedding was not because i thought i deserved it or because i now have a job and can afford it. nope - none of the above. the reason is because the paint color on the walls of my bedroom is HIDEOUS. my friend came over and his description was, "flesh toned." i call it peach. my roommate is attempting to make me feel better and call it light salmon (her bedroom is a delightful color of yellow mind you). my room has a tinge of pink it it and if you know me, that's no bueno. needless to say, it is also not ready for your viewing pleasure quite yet, i have some diverting to do. but i do love my new bedding.

and your grand finale... my commute to work. right. this is not a joke. i drive south on the 101 for about 20 miles and 12-15 of it is ocean. unbelievable and considering the rain we just got, the hills on the other side of the freeway look like ireland. it's absolutely the most beautiful place to live and i feel like God is spoiling the heck outta me by letting me live here and have the job that i have. [i'm planning on posting a "new job" post this weekend, stay tuned].

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okay back to the whole mixed emotions about the newness thing.

reasons i love being new in town:
- new coffee shops, stores, neighborhoods to explore
- people always want to know why you moved here and what you're doing
- for some reason people here like texas, so they want to hear all about it
- i get the chance to 'start over' in some ways
- i get to visit churches and see what God's up to in alot of places before i commit to a community
- i could spend the next 6 months going to a new restaurant every friday night and still not even scratch the surface
- my house is 3 miles from the beach. not even double digits - bliss :)
- i love to organize and new houses/offices call for lots of organizational skills
- i like getting to know people so it's fun to have the opportunity to make new friends
- my house is 1 mile from some really fun friends with 2 stinkin' cute little boys
- everything here is SO much closer and there is no traffic, i'm diggin' the small town gig

reasons i DON'T love being new in town:
- i get lost sometimes, but thank God for my iphone
- i feel like an idiot my first day at spin class... and at the office... and taking the trash out on the day the recycle goes out
- i am 2 and a half weeks in and am getting really tired of telling people who i am and why i'm here
- i miss being known, like truly known by people and not having to explain myself
- i miss not feeling 'at home' when i walk into church and i'm ready for the awkwardness to wear off
- i don't like stubbing my toe on my dresser in the middle of the night because i don't know where things are in my bedroom
- i don't like the transition period that goes with a move and the 6-12 months of unsettledness

i know these are normal things that come with moving and i know "this too shall pass." all of those things are true and clearly the good outweighs the bad and i have absolutely no doubt that our great God spoiled me rotten by making my next assignment santa barbara and there's no question in my mind that He has purpose for me here. this was undeniably the right decision. i have a community of people (mostly young life staffers and their people) who are here and have loved me well from day one and let me tell you - i. am. grateful. they've been amazing with everything from beds, to showers, to meals, to laundry, to wine-football-nachos parties at midnight, to helping me move, to being a listening ear. and i have had an overwhelmingly warm welcome from the community that already exists surrounding my new job.

i know that in each place i've moved, i've experienced more of God, grown more in my faith and become a better, stronger person for having lived there and i have no doubt that santa barbara will be the same because my God is faithful. and because He is faithful, i am embracing newness.