Seven: Month 1 - Media

As I mentioned in this post, we are embarking on a journey called "Seven" - a book by Jen Hatmaker who is real, honest, messy, awesome and determined to live a life worthy of the gospel. I try to resonate with all of those things and so I brought the idea up to my husband. I was SHOCKED when he said he wanted to do it with me. He said, "If you're going to do it, then I should do - we need to do this as a family." Well, all I have to say to that is that it's a darned good thing we don't have kids because I would not want to be 7-month depriving them of things while doing the same myself - disaster.

Needless to say - here we go. I will try to blog every few days about the experience because I don't want to forget how desperate I am for facebook and insta how much Jesus is teaching me. :)

But really... the first thing I do every morning when I wake up (way earlier than I'd like - still adjusting to this "husband with a real job" thing), I look at Facebook and Instagram. Literally, I'll sit there for 30 minutes and just see what in the world happened while I was sleeping. It's glorious. This morning I was sad. I went so far last night as to delete those two apps from my phone so I would not be tempted when I woke up and I literally sat up and thought, "(GASP) Someone deleted my apps!" Yes, I'm that special. Then I remembered it was September 1st and I'd made a commitment.

It's Day 1, I. CAN. DO. THIS. This is where it gets good.

I actually went to the bookshelf (!) and pulled out a book we're reading for a leadership team called, Leading Kingdom Movements - good stuff in there, better than Instagram even. And what happened next was really incredible. I started reading and came across a page or two that literally spoke straight to where I am right now in some leadership stuff and some Jesus stuff. Over and over again, the phrase "Pray that you will have the grace to respond with faith," kept popping up when they were talking about failures and frustrations and breakthroughs. It was a FLOODGATE people, a floodgate that led me to stay in bed with that book and a journal for an hour. So sweet.

And you know what, I went to church after that and I even forgot my phone because without FB and Insta, my iphone is a waste - who needs it?!?!

Day 1 and I already feel more free. I feel like God was really gracious this morning and gave me a huge nugget right away which makes me a little nervous about the next 29, but hey, I'll take it.

P.S. Something I wished and begged for just ONE teensy insta post was this - I backed out of the garage. The garage door decided to stop about 5/6 of the way open, I didn't notice and literally ejected my antenna from the top of my car - garage door took it out, no problem. Sweet Jesus, I so wish for the opportunity to have shared that with the rest of humanity - the pictures, my husband's reaction, the laughter... October is too far away for those of you who enjoy a good shitshow. Onward...

.surrender.

I am currently in a season of learning what it looks like to surrender... I can honestly say it's one of the hardest things to do when you are someone who likes your world under control, all the time. God is teaching me and often he uses unexpected things to do it.

It was Wednesday morning in Haiti and our schedule for that morning was to sleep in. If you've met me, I LOVE to do this. Well, that was not God's schedule for me. There was pounding on my door around 8am and so I jumped out of bed and ran to the door to find two of my teammates of my new friends that lives in Haiti standing at the door frantically telling me, "There was a bad accident. We're getting on the helicopter right now to go take them to the hospital. You need to go be with Joy. We don't know who was hurt, it may have been Kerry (her husband)."

Early that morning, some of our guys had gone to Port-Au-Prince to take a team of 4 guys to the airport.

What was going through my half-asleep, pre-caffeinated mind was this:
- "My dad is on that bus. I don't know what I'd do if my dad wasn't okay. Kerry is on that bus. I don't know what Joy and their 8 kids will do if he's not okay. If Kerry's not okay, I'm not leaving Haiti. I'm not leaving Joy." I was calm on the outside but freaking out the inside and then started shaking. In that moment, I felt this overwhelming peace and I prayed, "Lord, if you decided to take my dad and Kerry today, I would still trust you. I would know that you're in control, that it was part of your plan and that I would be okay." (Believe me, this was all Jesus) At that point, Jarred said to me, "Your dad's okay. He's the one that texted about it. Just go be with Joy."

I threw my shoes on and ran to Joy & Kerry's apartment. I got there and she was holding her cell phone, waiting for them to call and was trying not to panic with 5 kids needing her attention and affection. We knelt down right there and started praying. Soon after, Kerry called and said he was fine, but to pray for Jeff. Jeff is a pastor that was there visiting from Louisiana. He's 36 and has a wife and kids at home. He had a significant amount of damage to his face and will need surgery, potentially a few surgeries. They got him to Miami quickly and he is doing okay, but it will be a long road. If you think of it, please pray for him and his family.

But I am continuing to learn from this is that I have expectations of what I think my life is supposed to look like. When MY expectations aren't met, I am disappointed in God because things aren't going my way. Well shouldn't they be going his way, not mine? What that requires is an all out surrender of my agenda and expectations so that God might have the space in my life to write a better story. That day, I learned what it meant to surrender. I learned what it meant to have absolutely zero control of a situation and still trust God with the outcome. God is teaching me to surrender it all and to release my expectations in exchange for the amazing plan he is beginning to unfold. A painful process? Yes. But I could not be more grateful for the early morning wake up call in Haiti.

"This life I live... it finds meaning in surrender. So take my life, let it be, everything all of me. Here I am, use me for Your glory. In everything I say and do, let me my life honor You. Here I am, living for Your glory." - Tim Hughes