Monday, September 7, 2009

.who.what.when.where... and WHY?

so there's a battle being waged. it's in my soul. i think it's real. you may beg to differ, but it doesn't make it any less real to me.

who - me, my life, my existence, my friendships, my stability, my last 7 years

what - it's at stake, threatened to be uprooted, at risk of crumbling

when - sometime in the next 6 weeks (yikes!)

where - texas... the great state of texas

WHY - a job. a tailor-made, really great job bids me come and die to all i know

but it's what i DON'T know that is getting me stuck. i don't know what's better (or worse) at 28:
a) to LOVE your job and have limited stability and friendships for an approximate year adjustment period
b) to LOVE where you live and who you're surrounded by but dislike your job (or lack thereof).

now i've heard arguments both ways from people i both respect and trust, but truly have no handle on the situation. i feel like the more i wrestle with it, the more confusion sets in. should i just flip a coin? i mean, the heartache and headache and wallet-ache that comes with being an unemployed masters degree-holding girl is pretty intense and i've been feeling the weight of that lately. but... the heartache and soul ache and potential bout of depression that come with relocating everything i know just for a job is also quite the feat to willingly take on. but which costs less?

if i had to answer honestly in this moment? surrendering the job would actually 'cost less' to me. financially, not a wise decision, but the emotional and spiritual cost of moving are more than i can bear without immediately producing floods of tears. so which way do you turn? how do you make a choice like this in a matter of days? which one will i live to regret if i choose the other?

good gosh, i wanna go to sleep tonight and wake up in 6 months. please...

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