.educated women are dangerous.

the common philosophy until the last half-century or so was that women should not be educated. people suspected a "danger" in educating women. i don't disagree and am seeing it in my own life.

by "dangerous" i don't mean i'm a threat to society. by dangerous i don't mean that i am going to do something harmful with my education. by dangerous, i mean that because women are passionate in different ways than men are passionate and because our emotions must be factored into every decision, we don't hold back. for me, the more educated i become through



the more i get passionate about issues i knew little to nothing about before i set foot in those doors. and by passionate, i mean entire kingdom trajectory shift - like potentially moving to another country in 6 months because i truly believe that i can't plead ignorance anymore. my eyes have been opened to injustice in almost every other country in the world and i CANNOT continue to live in suburbia and drive my SUV, while i pay $150 for jeans because i feel entitled to it. there's this piece of me that's always seen the world that way, but there's been a fire ignited in my soul amidst my grad school education that is leading me to believe that i really can do something to produce change.

and maybe it's not moving out of the country, maybe it's teaching people in my own backyard to "open their eyes." maybe it's educating other young women and igniting passion in them. maybe it's attempting to mimic the life of Jesus in such a counter-cultural way that people turn their heads and want to follow, but there's not an ounce of me that wants to settle anymore. not an ounce of me that wants to live complacent.

and i truly believe Jesus is honored by that - His was a life and ministry lived passionately and dangerously. He often refused to settle or plead ignorance.

i think daniel defoe and i would have been good friends:

"And herein it is that I take upon me to make such a bold assertion, That all the world are mistaken in their practice about women. For I cannot think that GOD Almighty ever made them so delicate, so glorious creatures; and furnished them with such charms, so agreeable and so delightful to mankind; with souls capable of the same accomplishments with men"

defoe - you speak my heart. and this line from another excerpt of his "the education of women" is where i've landed for this season of my life...

"I had more need to go to school, than be married..."

so for this season - i will continue to learn, i will be passionate about the things He's gifted me to do and i will not settle. i will follow with reckless abandon.

.lingering.

i want to linger more.

today, i went to my college best friend's parents' house for lunch. she lives in boston with her husband and is an only child, so by default, 10 years ago, i became daughter #2. since i live nearby, i often benefit from having meals with them and being the surrogate, which seems to work well for all 3 of us.

after having known them for 10 years, i realized something today that i've never realized, they linger. and i love it. we sat down to lunch about 1 and we got up from the table around 3. my family doesn't linger, everyone always seems to be preoccupied with something "more important" right when the food is gone. but not them - they eat their meals slowly and in courses and they linger. i want that for my life. when it's appropriate and there is time, i long to be more intentional about lingering.

why?

because it fosters community. it makes room for conversation that goes beyond "table talk." it forces you to eat slower. in my mind it's what "breaking bread" together is supposed to be like. in Jesus' day, the tables were on the ground with recliner-ish pillows for chairs because people lingered. Jesus lingered, so in order to be more like Jesus, i resolve to linger... because it's in the lingering that we learn and we listen.

.i hate this part.

tonight, i am experiencing a hint of what it must feel like to have your house become an empty nest. of course, i don't yet have kids, so i can't say i really know, but for the last 6 days and nights this house (my parents' house) has been filled with the sounds of my favorite 3 and a half year old little girl.

for 6 sun-ups and 6 sun-downs, we have laughed and played, sang and read books, baked and chit-chatted, me and my niece. and this evening... she left. i sit here in the house - that last night was bustling with 9 of us opening gifts, playing cards, eating "happy birthday baby Jesus" cake - and tonight i grieve the fact that it feels so empty. i mean, i like my brothers, their girlfriends and my cousin an awful lot, but they are not why this house and my heart feel empty. the void is my girl. amazing that 4 christmases ago she didn't exist and now she occupies such a large place in my heart. as she and her 2 best friends (her daddy and her doggy) pulled away tonight, my parents and i waved goodbye through tears. it doesn't get any easier...

so now, i sit here on christmas night - not a creature stirring - and wish so badly that my heart could feel as full as it's felt for the last 6 days. i want her back. it's selfish, i know, because her mommy's missed her i'm sure, but i want her back.

i am grateful for the time i had with her this week as it's more than i normally get when i come back to texas, but i hate this part. i think about this night years and years ago when mary gave birth to Jesus. she did so knowing full well that she'd have to let him go and be with his Father, and i'm certain she had the same type of sentiment... i hate this part. but "this part" doesn't strip me of the joy we've had the last 6 days and those are the memories that i will choose to celebrate through the tears tonight. merry christmas y'all.

.the atypical gripe.

i have a gripe tonight against someone who you could say has become a dear friend over the last 10 or 15 years of my life. don't take this as an insulting-our-friendship-is-over type of gripe. so not the case. it's just a venting-type of gripe because i need to get it out. this complaint is being filed against my well-loved, well-traveled, well-respected friend, southwest airlines.

now, i must say i did arrive only 10 minutes late in total travel time - a marvel for most airlines these days and a marvel for any air travel considering today's weather on the west coast. i made my connection by about 4 minutes and got to texas just in time. for that i'm grateful (because isn't the rule always to compliment before speaking truth?).

my complaint is this:
i made it, but my luggage did not.

this is not the end of the world. what is a bit frustrating is that it was allegedly arriving at 10:10, and when i called at 10:20, that flight is delayed until 11:45pm. i get it, it happens. their solution to this is to deliver my luggage here to my parents' house shortly after it arrives, but they call when they're on their way. did you hear that? they call on their way - at 12:30 in the morning.

so you mean to tell me that first you lose my luggage at 10 am and then you call and wake me up in the middle of the night to let me know you're bringing it? fan-flippin'-tastic. just how i wanted to start my vacation... but southwest, tomorrow, once i have my underwear and toothbrush back (not to mention my entire family's christmas gifts), i will be fine and we will be friends again.

.blame it on grad school.

it's been almost a week since i finished my grad school assignments for this quarter. how i did in the classes is irrelevant at this moment, what matters is that i finished. there were a few things to thank for getting me through the hardest quarter i've had yet. the first is "the office" for providing much needed comic relief on thursday nights, the second is my dear sweet friends who know me well and convinced me that because of my distaste for school, getting my Ph.D. is out of the question and i needed to focus on passing this quarter. the third may be my dearest friend of the semester - starbucks skinny cinnamon dulce lattes.

now, i must confess something. i asked for starbucks cards for my birthday in late october so that i could "survive" the quarter from hell without having to go uncaffeinated because i'm unemployed. i'm ridiculously grateful to my parents, grandparents and others who provided accordingly. the only problem is... i fear i am officially an addict.

how did i realize this, you might ask? well, i got done with school 6 days ago and realized today that of those 6 days, i haven't missed a starbucks run. i used to blame my latte cravings on grad school. i have 4 weeks off - what do i blame it on now? addiction? entirely possible. i'm grateful for my friend who pointed out that there are much worse things i could be dependent on to get me through school - alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, you name it. his vice is slurpees, mine is lattes. neither is all that destructive of a choice. thanks, john, for the confidence boost and the validation. what am i doing tomorrow morning at 10? meeting a college friend at starbucks . what will i order? a skinny cinnamon dulce latte, please. and without asking, they will know my name is bree... because i'm an addict. :)