.i missed it.

i missed my flight.

for the first time in my 28 years of life, i missed a flight. now, while for some people this may be normal, for someone who's very and can i repeat very organized and type A, this is SO NOT LIKE ME. it was almost comical. and it wasn't because i "got stuck in traffic" or i "woke up too late." no, none of the above.

it's simply because last night when i went online to check the flight time, i checked the flight times for SUNDAY instead of SATURDAY. sunday's flight time? 9:35 saturday's flight time? 9:00. right. so when you check in at 8:52, you miss your flight. i guess that's the way it goes.



my only issue with this whole situation is how the friggin' gate agent treated me when the door had closed 1 minute, yes 1 minute before i arrived at the gate. she looked at me as if i was an irresponsible teenager who couldn't get my crap together in time to make my flight. now that... is irritating. and i wasn't about to go into the whole sunday/saturday sob story because clearly she didn't care. and this was the best line of the morning...

"well, you just better hope and pray you can get on the noon flight because there's only 3 seats left and if you don't want to pay $300 to guarantee yourself a seat then start praying." really? who's the customer here? last time i checked, it's me. and no, i'm not a teenager, contrary to popular opinion. thankyouverymuch.

i get that this is solely my fault and maybe there's a lesson to be learned or a conversation i would have otherwise missed out on or some divine reason i missed that flight, but it sure does stink. so God, if there's a reason, bring it on. and if there's not, then gate agent, you need an attitude adjustment and i need another cup of burnt coffee from the amarillo magazine stand.

and here's some entertainment for you in the meantime...

what i would look like if you were/are on drugs, or if i was a lion, or if you're an evil gate agent:


if i was an alien:


if my nose had never grown:


and if i never lost my baby teeth:


you're welcome.

.three words.

i have three words for you. these words fill my soul and make my heart smile. what's contained in these words does something to me that, honestly, words can't describe. you have to experience it, you have to "get it" because it's "better caught than taught." it's a place that's been dormant for at least a year and i just yesterday pulled it out of the depths of my soul and revived it. these three words are life-giving...

YOUNG LIFE CAMP



there's nothing like sitting in the deck of the adult guest quarters with a Bible and journal listening to 100 junior highers do belly flops while dancing to "all my single ladies." and there's nothing like watching a sweet, unassuming blind-folded leader nearly take a bite out of an innocent white mouse. there's nothing like walking past cabins and hearing middle school girls have real conversations about their souls and their faith, maybe for the first time. and there's nothing like repositioning myself in between two "oh-so-tough" pant sagging, curse-word throwing 8th grade boys so that they have a better chance at hearing the gospel and having it change the trajectory of their lives.


there's nothing like that. nothing.

there's just not much that fills my soul more than a place where Jesus-lovin' adults care enough about their apathetic teenage friends to be dirty, exhausted (in every way possible), dunked, pied in the face and beaten down - all so these kids have the chance to meet the One who brings life.





i wish i could stay here longer than 2 days...

.glimpses.

this week i'm getting glimpses.



i remember blogging a few months ago, early in the year about how much i am desperate to have this fog lift. how much i feel like i'm scared that this season will last forever and my soul will be in a dormant desert for a long, long time.

this weekend, the fog lifted. THANK YOU, JESUS. man, was i ready for that! but seriously i'm not sure how to live without the fog yet. i'm learning. i'm getting glimpses. here are some:

- i'm starting to see that what He has next for me is not for me to worry about or control. HE'S GOT ME.
- i'm starting to see that it's about my soul, when my soul is being cared for and sharpened, He is glorified in me.
- I'm starting to get glimpses of His love for people and the way He sees them, which in turn is teaching me to love.
- i'm starting to understand "the fog" and learn how to walk with others in it.
- i'm starting to be excited that the life He has for me finds meaning in surrender, and that, speaks volumes to others.
- I'm starting to recognize that "the fog" in the desert is so necessary for growth
- i'm starting to see my joy restored and am learning to play again.

this will be a process and i'm realizing it won't happen overnight, but i could not be more grateful for the smile that creeps across my face at the most unexpected times in the day and for the ways that people are noticing that "i'm back." indeed i am and i'm a different person with so much more to bring to the table. Jesus, you are good. so good.

thank you for the glimpses.

.parallelism.

in my knowledge of parallelism, i'm beginning to see a pattern...

FRIDAY
coffee
exegesis
coffee
exegesis
desperate plea to God for help
coffee
old testament class
a small amount of food
exegesis
limited interaction with humans to maintain sanity
feeble attempt at sleep.

SATURDAY
coffee
coffee
old testament class
coffee
exegesis
a small amount of food
limited interaction with humans (and maybe beer) to maintain sanity
exegesis
desperate plea to God for help
exegesis
successful attempt at sleep.

SUNDAY
coffee
exegesis
coffee
exegesis
a small amount of food
limited interaction with friends from texas to maintain sanity
coffee
church (plea to God for help)
exegesis

...

you get the point. God bless grad school.

.raw nonsense.

today's blog is raw nonsense. this is what happens when i encroach on finals week (MY LAST FINALS WEEK EVER IN MY LIFE, btw). i go nuts. i see very few people - in fact today, i did not see another human being until i got to class at 6:30pm. and i'm seeing people only to absorb more information - are you kidding?!?!?!?!

anyhow, here is my raw nonsense that needs to go somewhere because even my mom would feel like it's a waste of time to hear this mess...

- i waste, i mean drink entirely too many water bottles and it made me sad today.
- i have self-diagnosed A.D.D., inflicted by Fuller Seminary, of course.
- sometimes i genuinely think i'd be happy with one day a week just reading and writing - and then i remember that's crazy talk.
- jacuzzis and wine are from Jesus, that's how i cope with finals.
- i'm realizing this week what it means to wait on the Lord, because He is more capable than i.
- my almost 4-year-old niece jumped off the diving board today for the first time and i. am. proud.
- i have this overwhelming to desire to get my tattoo the day i turn in my last assignment, which would be june 9th. hit me up.
- i need a job, but i really don't seem to be super stressed about it, don't judge me, i have other things to stress about.
- i am not trusting God like i should be. not even a little bit. i'll get right on that.
- i really am not caring about what i'm learning in school - if you're in seminary, is that a sin?

that's all for today. i may blog raw nonsense one more time before i get my Masters in 2 weeks, prepare yourself.