Bravo

Friends, there is a milestone here this week... these are the last few days of this job I've had for almost four years. Four long years where I've learned more than a blog post could ever summarize. I will do my best to debrief it here later so that you can have the gift of seeing all that God has done and is doing in my life. It's been ugly and beautiful, frustrating and gratifying, convicting and redeeming, but one of the biggest things this job has been for me is healing. A healing that began in my years on Young Life staff when I was young and fresh out of Texas. A healing that continued in graduate school where the most incredible professors spoke amazing truth over my life and told me I could... A healing that has continued to grow and plopped me in a place of confidence I never thought I'd have - one that's still growing, but one that I definitely didn't think was possible for me.

It's best described here... thank you Jen for speaking my feelings so well:
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/08/wherever-it-rises

Thank you to the pastors I've interacted with, the friends I've made and mostly the incredible boss I've been given the chance to work under - you have all changed me for the better and given me a gift no one can ever take back from me... confidence to know that I can be used and I have a voice. Thank you, from the bottom of this Texas girl's heart.

Bravo, Jesus, Bravo.

.dominican things.

Four days of "drinking through the Dominican Republic fire hose" is leaving me wanting more & ready to be home all at the same time. The wanting more side of me is loving the culture, clearly loving the language, the people and the 12 different ministries here. It's a ridiculously beautiful country with people characterized by the dichotomy of hardship and joy.

Having spent a decent amount of time on the other side of Hispaniola has presented me with the reality that these people share an island and a climate but not much else. Truly. The stark contrast between here and Haiti and the evident distaste for the other country's culture and people is almost alarming. Then best way I can describe it is that the DR feels like Puerto Rico or places in South America while Haiti feels like the jungles of Africa.

These people have sub-par education systems, their unemployment rate is high and chance of upward mobility, low. Yet the darkness and spiritual oppression that are tangibly experienced in Haiti are not nearly as present here. There is a sense of joy in these people - with strong religious backgrounds (both Catholic and Protestant) and a high value on family and relationships, they seem to have more hope, more life, more joy. I can't help but attribute that to the presence of Christ and community in their lives.

I wrestle with the tension of not being ready to leave tomorrow because I am wanting to be with these people, pick the brains of those who run this ministry and see more of this crazy beautiful island. But I'm wanting to go home because ministry and missions aren't the same without my husband and I don't want to experience any more of this place without him. Our call to missions and to loving those without hope ans helping those without resources is a joint call and it's honestly hard to be here without him. I've been struck by what a travel buddy will do for your sense of belonging and your will to get up each morning and serve. Without Katy this trip, I'd have been one sad girl.

I am grateful for the 4 days of redemption this place and Students International have brought me through both their long term and short term missions philosophies and their staff. It is a joy to have new partners in ministry and I am incredibly confident that we'll be back :)

.more on haiti.

my heart is continually being broken because of things like poverty, hunger, malnutrition, illness and violence. as i learn people's stories and see their day to day lives in places where hope seems a scarce commodity, i am changed. i posted today for work on how haiti is continuing to change me.

click here to read it

.apologies.

apologies to all who faithfully or not so faithfully read this thing... I have been what they call m.i.a. - i.e. Texas, Haiti, headed to Europe, etc. (i'm secretly hoping that over-abbreviating will accentuate my list of reasons why i've been so busy and unable to post, so if it's not working, work with me).

i promise to do my best to get better.

here's what i've been up to...

TEXAS - for the bridal shower of a sweet friend whose wedding i happen to miss because i'll be in...

SPAIN and HOLLAND - with my family and my beau for 10 days to visit our family (in Holland, not Spain and yes, I know I look more Spanish than Dutch), but in between the two I was in...

HAITI - taking an incredible team of 6 women to work over there for 9 months.

will those excuses suffice? i certainly hope so. i have blog posts swirling in my head about things like the absolute terrifying moments at the inglewood courthouse (but i want to make sure i am crime-free and don't need to go back there first), what God has been teaching me about surrendering expectations and praying His will be done, how Haiti changed me - once again, how the 6 gals who are living in Haiti changed me and are continuing to change me. so for now, click the link about the girls... this is life-changing stuff that will inevitably keep you on your toes until i return...

hasta luego... bonjour... daj... i'll be home soon, pinky promise.

.inspired by these 6.

Click here to read about the life-changing project God is allowing me to be part of. Amazing-ness. I'll get back to the regularly scheduled road-trip picture posting programming someday. This is just too exciting to miss :)

.His kingdom or mine.

i feel like God is "calling me out" these days and calling me into something much bigger than me. He's been asking the question: "Whose kingdom are you investing in, mine or yours?"

Psalm 82:3 "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
4Rescue the weak and needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked."

God is continuing to push me forward and not letting me sit still or quiet, which 1) totally moves me out of my comfort zone and 2) gets me really pumped for how he's changing my life and breaking my heart for the things that break His. So I'm presenting you with 2 next steps in my life and the opportunity to get involved in 2 bigger stories in His kingdom across the globe.

1) Surgery for the baby in Romania

I wrote this email about 10 days ago from Romania. It was about a little girl, whose name I've since learned is Maria. Here was the post I wrote from Romania:

"just this morning, a 6 month old baby girl was brought in with fluid on her brain. her parents left her at the hospital because they can't do anything with her. she needs a shunt put it in, a simple 40 minute procedure but they can't get the medical care for her so she likely will die soon unless they do. i put my hand on her little chest and she just sobbed and grabbed my hand tightly with her little fingers. i left the room in tears knowing there was literally nothing i could do to help this innocent baby who, in the states would have gotten surgery long ago. it doesn't seem fair.

so today i have been sweetly broken by these kids. their stories, their smiles, their tears, their lives have made their mark on my heart and i won't ever be the same. feeding a baby her bottle knowing that most of the time she feeds herself lying in a crib because there aren't enough hands to hold her. holding the tiny fingers of a little girl whose life might be taken from her because she can't get surgery. praying for Jesus to take a couple of these kids home because the way they're living is truly not living at all. my heart is broken for these beautiful little people. and i'm humbled by the work that Nann and her team are doing and the time they're putting in to find homes for these kids and caring for the ones who don't have homes. it is truly the heart of God."

I wrote in that email that "there was literally nothing I could do to help this innocent baby." It turns out God is still changing me. I've thought about sweet Maria daily since I got home. I've prayed for her and her little hands gripping mine and her innocent tears have made me no longer able to turn a blind eye. Her parents want her back. They brought her to the hospital because they were at their wit's end and knew it was better for her to either get help or die there than in their home. I want to get her back home. She needs a 40 minute procedure on her brain to drain the fluid and put a shunt in. It's a simple deal and she can go home. So we are going to get her surgery. That's what I feel called to do. God is changing me and teaching me that helping this one precious little girl is something I CAN do. It is tangible and it will save a life - a life that matters to him.

Because Maria has been on my heart since I got back and God is asking me to not sit here and "do nothing" about this, I am raising money to get her surgery. There is an urgency because her condition will ultimately kill her. The surgery is only $1000 and $300 was raised this weekend through one of our churches in the Presbytery!


2) My trip to Haiti in January

I have been presented with the opportunity to go and help lead a trip in Haiti with Operation HOPE! There will be about 30 on the team and we will be going to work with an American doctor there who is loving on the broken people of Montrouis, Haiti. I will be helping with this trip in order to see if we can bring a crew from this area later in the year on an IMPACT trip. So it's a scouting trip with an opportunity to serve the least of these in a country of broken people who I believe are close to the heart of our God. Haiti has been on my heart since the earthquake and I haven't known how to move forward in getting an IMPACT team on the ground or helping however we can... until I was presented with this opportunity. We will have a medical team working with earthquake victims as well as a community team working with orphans. I know this will change me as well - to see the extremely dire needs of those in Haiti and to be able to love them because that's what Christ would do. How do you come back the same? I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity and feel like I can't pass it up. Because IMPACT paid for my Europe scouting trip, there is not money in the budget to this trip, but I feel called to go and feel like it's worth the investment, both for myself and for the future of IMPACT.

The cost for the entire Haiti trip is $1200. Again, if you want to write a tax-free donation, those checks can be made out to Operation HOPE. The money for this trip is also due in the next 2 weeks.

Here are the two ways which I feel like God is calling me out of my own kingdom and deeper into His and I'm simply inviting you into the story. I know many of you give to many other things, so don't feel obligated, just let me know if these are things you feel called to participate in. I'd love to include you!

.being changed.

Thank you all SO much for praying for my trip. It truly was amazing in so many ways and I am in the process of being profoundly changed by it. I had a great time in Holland at the end of my trip and got to spend a significant amount of time hanging out with family that I don't often get to see. It was fun to share my experiences with them as they are not regular church attenders. They were so excited and receptive to what I was doing for work and how God was changing my life. We had some amazing conversations. Holland gave me a renewed appreciation for my culture and my heritage but more than anything made me realize what exactly it was my grandpa walked away from at 20 years old to come to the states to create a life and start a business for himself here. That was a really really big deal and I think this is the first time I realized how hard that must have been and exactly what he was sacrificing. I'm grateful. Here's a couple of pictures :)



I've not totally processed my experiences yet and I'm sure will continue to do so for quite some time, but I did get my first chance to share this morning at a church and to invite people into the bigger story of IMPACT. It's a story that belongs to our great God, that he's writing and we just get to be characters in His story, should we choose to listen and to obey. It was hard to re-hash the reality of what I saw in the orphanage that day and encouraging to get to ask people to come and build a church in Albania. I'm speaking from a different place having been there myself and there were about 7 moms/grandmas who signed up for more information on the "rocking babies" trip! Due to popular demand I may have to find more ministries that rock babies so that all who want to go can go!

From the imam, the Albanian pastors, the Romanian orphans & missionaries, I learned that what we do matters - for us, for them, for the kingdom. And I'm overwhelmingly grateful for the ways I'm being changed.

Next stop... Haiti in January!

.sweetly broken.

today i'm in romania. and i've been broken by what i've seen. i'm staying with a new friend, Nannette who has been a missionary here for the last 17 years. the work she does is truly amazing. it's been a gift and such a God thing to have my friend Phil here as well. he's been my cousin's best friend since they were kids and recently moved here to do ministry for a season, it's been fun to have some americans to stay with and chat with and so fun to be hanging out with phil in romania, something we never could have dreamt up! God is good.

i spent the afternoon yesterday hearing all about ROCK ministry and the projects they do here in romania, so i was beyond excited today to get to see their work firsthand and experience what God is doing in this little hospital in bucharest. basically Nann has taken on the task of providing care and trying to find foster homes for abandoned kids. she is living out the gospel in an amazing way. the hospital allows ROCK to use 2 of their extra rooms free of charge to keep their kids. Nann has 12 staff total, 4 of which work at the hospital. what you see there is unbelievable. lily was the only one working today and she was caring for THIRTEEN kids BY HERSELF. she is an absolute saint.

in the upstairs room were six babies all between 1-10 months. oh my precious. and they have ONE caretaker today. for all six of them and the other 7 downstairs. unreal. these kids have all been abandoned by their parents, some of whom "say" they will come back for them. i heard stories today that alot of their parents are gypsy beggars and leave their kids to be fed/cared for until they're old enough to eat solid food and then they come back for them and use them to beg. it's absolutely devastating because these are the most lovable babies in the world.

this little guy, florin is seriously SO precious. he just laughs and smiles and wants to be held. he particularly likes men, they think because it's pretty rare that he sees men. when phil put him down to leave, he sobbed. when there's no one to hold them or play with them, they crawl around in the cribs and try to keep themselves entertained. it's so tragic because they truly just want to be held and given attention.


this little one, isabella wanted me to hold her for the better part of an hour, she just laid on my lap, content to just be held. we spent an hour or so with these babies today just loving on them and giving them much needed attention and affection.

the downstairs room is a WHOLE different ball game. it is a room with 6 special needs kids who have been dropped off by their parents because either they don't want them or can't care for them. it is seriously the saddest thing you'll ever see. Nann said there's some of these kids that they often pray will just be taken home to Jesus because the way they're living is seriously no way to live. it was traumatizing to see these kids and humbling to watch lily feed, bathe and change all 13 of them by herself until we arrived to help.

just this morning, a 6 month old baby girl was brought in with fluid on her brain. her parents left her at the hospital because they can't do anything with her. she needs a shunt put it in, a simple 40 minute procedure but they can't get the medical care for her so she likely will die soon unless they do. i put my hand on her little chest and she just sobbed and grabbed my hand tightly with her little fingers. i left the room in tears knowing there was literally nothing i could do to help this innocent baby who, in the states would have gotten surgery long ago. it doesn't seem fair.

so today i have been sweetly broken by these kids. their stories, their smiles, their tears, their lives have made their mark on my heart and i won't ever be the same. feeding a baby her bottle knowing that most of the time she feeds herself lying in a crib because there aren't enough hands to hold her. holding the tiny fingers of a little girl whose life might be taken from her because she can't get surgery. praying for Jesus to take a couple of these kids home because the way they're living is truly not living at all. my heart is broken for these beautiful little people. and i'm humbled by the work that Nann and her team are doing and the time they're putting in to find homes for these kids and caring for the ones who don't have homes. it is truly the heart of God.

he continues to teach me daily what he's about and i'm seeing him the faces of these precious ones, in the vision and dreams of an Albanian pastor, in the sweat and tears of these missionaries who've given everything so that the name of Jesus might be proclaimed. grateful to be on this journey with these kingdom-minded saints.

.an adventure with Jesus.

i am here in Amsterdam. and STOKED about it. i'm just at the airport but i can't WAIT to come back here next week and hang out with my family for a few days before returning to the states. the smell of Dutch pancakes (pannekoeken) cooking, the Dutch cow art exhibit and the tulips planted all around is making my heart happy. it feels like home. you're right mom, i am so Dutch (and i blame you... and dad).

before i continue i must let you know that i DO plan on blogging about the remainder of my 30 before 30 list including last week's epic celebration, just give me a little time.

now back to this adventure. i am here for only 8 days in europe. it seems to short, but i know it's as long as i could get away this time of year & just as long as God wants me here. i left yesterday in a pile of tears (thank you boyfriend for your prayers and kindness through it) and was just feeling really unsettled and somewhat anxious about the whole thing. while i know in my heart that God's got me in the palm of his hand and that this is really no big deal, i couldn't convince my head of that. partly because it's my first overseas solo adventure and also partly because i hadn't taken the time to spiritually or mentally prepare for this trip (possibly due to an epic celebration consuming my time last weekend).

but we're cool now. me and Jesus. by the time i got to LAX & got checked in i'd changed my tone. me and Jesus are on a european adventure this week. i got to spend some time on the first flight praying for each of the people i'll be meeting with and the ministries i'll be seeing. He's invited me in to see what's going on in his kingdom in Albania and Romania and my job is just to show up and to love people and hear their stories and offer what we can as IMPACT to help them further their piece of the kingdom. when you put it that way, it's a pretty sweet gig. packing/preparing/flying the first leg was the hardest part. home free from here!

i'll be trying to email updates/post blogs as often as possible, and my parents & my guy will be getting texts from me, so if you want to know the text updates, contact my mom (barb) via facebook & she'll gladly add you to the "update me" text messages. but i should get wireless just about everywhere i am so this might be the easiest way to keep up with me & Jesus in europe this week. feel free to send texts as receiving them is free on this end. just can't send them for free from here.

continue to pray for safe travel & for rest. i'm exhausted, but excited. i'll have been traveling over 24 hours by the time i get to albania tonight. yikes! next stop... Rome.

i can't wait to make new Albanian and Romanian friends and i'm VERY excited to see where Jesus takes me on this adventure. thanks for your prayers!

dewey (Dutch for goodbye!)

.best news i've heard in months.

I GOT THE JOB I REALLY WANTED. well, to be more honest - God hooked me up with a job He really wanted me to have :) as of january 4th, i'll be the director of an organization called IMPACT out of Santa Barbara County. go here

http://www.impact-sbp.org

to check it out.

this girl is real excited y'all. real excited. now the race is on to find a place to live... should be an interesting roller coaster of a week. man, did i say i'm excited?!?!?!?!

i really think that's all i've got for today. i have no other words. so glad this season's soon-to-be over. i'm sure they'll be a teary-eyed post about leaving orange county soon enough, but for now soak in the joy of job-ness with me because it's darn good and i can't wait to tell stories :)